My name is Kelly, and I am a Slimming World member. If you’re
reading this and you know me, you probably would have known that already. If
you know me, you would also know that I’m not a very good Slimming World member
at times.
I have a somewhat love/hate relationship with food. I love
eating. Simple as that. But when I eat the wrong things, I hate what it can do
to my body. I’m also a very emotional eater. When I’m happy, I celebrate with
food (“Can’t believe I’ve lost 2lbs this week. I’m going to treat myself to a
chippy tea!”). When I’m sad, I find comfort in food (“Can’t believe I’ve put
2lbs on this week. Sod it, I’m going to the chippy for tea!”). When I’m bored,
eating gives me something to do (“Alex is out tonight, there’s nothing on
telly... Where did I put those biscuits?”).
This isn’t exactly the healthiest relationship to have with
food. I’m fully aware of that. It probably also doesn’t help that I’m one of
the fussiest eaters you will ever meet. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll never see me
on one of those “Weird Eaters” programmes you get on BBC3, only ever eating
things starting with the letter C. I just don’t like vegetables. And when I
was little, if I didn’t like something, I just wouldn’t eat it. And nobody ever
made me eat it (apart from one evil primary school dinner lady who forced me to
eat spaghetti shapes. I threw up on her shoes. That told her!). I get asked on
a regular basis “How can you possibly lose weight if you don’t eat vegetables?”.
My answer to that? I have no idea. But I’ve managed it (eventually)!
From a very young age, I was spoiled with food. My Nanna
Gertie would always let me eat whatever I wanted. Steak and cheese? Of course. Roast
chicken smothered in best butter? No problem! I look back on childhood photos
of myself knowing this and it seems obvious why I was a rather large child. But
of course, Nanna Gertie can’t take all the blame for my appetite. She died when
I was 13. At her funeral, I ate 14 cheese sandwiches. No one forced me to, I
just ate them. I probably ate a lot of other things that day besides that, but
it’s the cheese sandwiches that I’ll always remember.
I was probably at my biggest at the age of 14/15. I was a
size 16. A lot of people don’t believe me when I tell them that. You might even
be one of them. Well, here’s the proof:
I was one of the biggest girls in my year at school, I was
always aware of that. I was terrible at PE, always coming last. I’d get out of
breath at the slightest bit of exercise, my face the colour of a tomato. That
being said, the only time I remember ever getting picked on about my weight was
in year 7 when one boy thought it would be hilarious to sing “Who ate all the
pies?” to me in the school canteen. It wasn’t hilarious, it made me cry when I
got home that night. But I never let it show that it got to me in school. I was
the stereotypical “fat, funny friend”. I’d make fun of myself before anyone
could do it for me. Or at least I thought I did. When I met up with a group of
old school friends a few months ago, they were all complimentary about my
weight loss and all commented on how small I was these days. The “fat, funny
friend” reflex kicked in almost immediately, and all I could say was “I’ve
always been this small, just never this slim!” to which one of them replied “Yeah,
we used to say you were 4ft tall and 5ft wide”. That stung a little – they never
once said it to my face.
My first dabble with dieting happened not long after that
photo was taken. Mum and Dad were planning to get married in 12 months time,
and I was going to be a bridesmaid. None of us wanted to look fat on the
photos, so as a family, we all started to eat a little better in preparation.
By the time the wedding came around in July 2005, I was probably somewhere
between a size 12 and a size 14. Not bad!
18 months after that, I split up with my first boyfriend and
lost more weight. I didn’t even mean to lose more weight, it just happened
(honest). A person (who shall remain nameless for the sake of this blog) then
came into my life who was constantly telling me I was still too big and that I
should lose more weight. I believed he was right, so I lost a bit more weight. Just
as quickly as he came into my life, he then left – a dead weight lifted off my
shoulders.
So there I was, the slimmest I had ever been, unsure whether
to feel brilliant because I’d lost weight or rubbish for losing it on someone
else’s say so. Then I met Alex – a lad with a mammoth appetite and the fastest
metabolism ever (Me? Jealous? Get lost!). A few months into our relationship,
it was my 6th Form Leavers’ Ball. I had the bridesmaid dress from
Mum and Dad’s wedding altered specially for the occasion, and I even had to
have it taken in because I’d lost so much weight in the 2 years that had
passed. What a great feeling! I was slimmer, I had a gorgeous boyfriend and
everything was going brilliantly.
I’d heard vicious rumours that when you’re in a
relationship, you tend to get comfortable with that person and a few pounds
could creep on. Those rumours proved to be true. Whatever Al ate, I did too. We’d
have huge takeaways at the weekend, followed by a tub of ice cream. We’d eat a
lasagne big enough for a family of 4 between the 2 of us. He never put a pound
on, what with his metabolism being faster than Usain Bolt, but my weight slowly
crept up. I brushed it off, and squeezed myself into the same clothes,
convincing myself that I hadn’t put weight on and that I was still the same
size. This was also around the time I was in uni, and I wasn’t eating healthily
at all while I was there. I think my highlight of every week was going to the chippy
for dinner with my friends on a Friday.
In 2010, I was due to graduate and turn 21 within the space
of a few weeks, which is what eventually started me on my Slimming World
journey.
10st 2lbs. Surely that was wrong! I thought I was more
around the 9st mark! I walked out of group that night determined that I would
never see that weight on the scales again. I changed what I ate straight away –
I replaced full fat Coke for diet Coke, sugar for sweetener and said hello to
the world of unlimited rice, pasta and lean meats. Feeling excited at this
change, I went for my 2nd weigh in a week later. 10st 2lbs. What?! I’d
followed the plan all week! How could this happen? I left the church feeling
mentally deflated – what a load of rubbish this was. I hadn’t lost anything,
what was the point? Both Mum and my consultant Noreen tried to keep me on
track. “You’re not used to eating breakfast Kelly!” “Your body’s just getting
used to the changes you’re making!”. I carried on with the plan, just in case
what they’d been telling me was true and I actually would start losing weight.
My 3rd weigh in. I wasn’t holding much hope out.
I stood on the scales and held my breath as I watched the digits on the monitor
change (like holding your breath makes any difference!). 9st 13lbs. I’d lost
3lbs! It had worked - I’d actually lost weight! By the time of my 21st
birthday party, I’d lost half a stone and the dress not only zipped up, but it
fit perfectly. By the time I’d lost a stone, I decided to set my target weight
at 8st 7lbs – the weight I’d convinced myself I was when I met Alex (looking back,
I think our bathroom scales were being too kind to me). The next big turning
point was buying my first ever pair of size 12 skinny jeans – I think I danced
out of the changing rooms that day!
I got to target weight in March 2011, and looked forward to
being a lifetime Slimming World member and never having to pay again. I’d
worked so hard, I was never going to go out of my target range again! Being at
my target weight meant I was also now a size 10, something I had only ever
dreamed of before. I got rid of all the clothes that were bigger than a size
10, because, of course, I would never need them again!
But nothing is ever as easy as that. After a while, I got
complacent with being at target. Thoughts like “It won’t matter if I have a
Mars bar today!” and “I can’t be bothered to make a sandwich for lunch, I’ll
just buy one from town!” started to creep into my head, and I was ok with that.
I was still fitting into my clothes and I wasn’t putting too much weight on. So
I carried on. I’d make excuses like “Oh, I’m still in holiday mode”, “It’s
Christmas, so I thought I’d be more flexible with my syns” and “I only eat
chocolate on days ending in Y!” (I’m kidding about the last one!). And so, I
put a stone back on. To a lot of people, I just looked the same as ever – when
you’ve been bigger, you get quite good at hiding yourself, so baggy tops were
my new best friend. Eventually I got fed up of wearing trousers that cut into
my stomach, so I decided to start making an effort again.
In the last 12 months, I have lost that stone again, and
just last week I got back into my target range for the first time in a long
time. Don’t get me wrong – in that 12 months, I haven’t always been 100% on the
Slimming World plan. Sometimes I will have a blip, and eat things I’m not
supposed to. One of the things my consultant has taught me is to take the guilt
away, and remember that tomorrow is a brand new day. If I have a curry on a
Saturday and I end up having a bit of cheese naan to go with it, I don’t think “That’s
it, diet ruined!”, I think “I enjoyed that. I’ll get right back on plan in the
morning so I don’t do too much damage at my next weigh in”. If I know I’ll be
using my syns on something “naughty”, like a meal out at the weekend, or a bowl
of custard after my tea, I’ll make sure that I eat plenty of free food during
the day so I don’t feel remotely guilty when I treat myself.
Kate Moss once said “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”.
At Slimming World, my consultant’s slightly adapted that to say “Nothing tastes
as good as a weight loss”, and she is absolutely right. When I stand on the
scales on a Tuesday night, knowing I have stuck to the plan and I get a weight loss,
I can’t wipe the smile off my face. No cake or chippy tea will ever taste as
good as that for me (even though I acknowledge that both do taste pretty good).
Love,
Kelly
xXx
Kelly
xXx
